I had a lot of experience of how to overcome heartbreak.
It became my strength now. I was not afraid of being hurt anymore because I knew eventually, I would overcome it. However, not feeling hurt is the best! I would love to share with you how I can overcome my heartbreak tonight and my wish for all of you is that you will be able to apply my stratagy to your life. You will be able to overcome your heartbreak, get stro nger and share this strategy with your loved ones.
I call this strategy “Four Fs strategy”
Why whould I want to help people overcome their heartbreak? Because I know it is not easy especially when you have to deal with it on your own.
I had to deal with my heartbreak all by myself 3 times in my life.
First, it happened five years after I graduated from nursing university. My mom passed away under my care from heart disease. She inspired me to become a nurse.
Then a year later, my dad passed away under my care because of depression. He could not live without my mom. I remembered so clearly the day I was beside him on his last breath. But I would not take all of you with me to that moment because it was so painful.
Finally, years later, my beloved brother passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack.....................
For all these times, I had to deal with too much pain in my heart all by myself. It took me a lot of time before I could get stronger. However, all this pain did not affect my life in the traumatic way because I already prepared my heart that someday my mom, my dad and my brother would leave me. I could accept that.
The pain that took me to the deep depression was recently. This deep pain made me want to help others.
It was the day that I thought I would lose my best friend for the rest of my life, but I did not prepare for that.
I thought, he would always be there for me but that time he was not.
I went to deep depression and grieved instantly, and I knew I was not prepared to deal with this pain by myself. My whole body was shaking while I waked home. All negative thoughts ran into my head likea stlorm. I knew I would end up in tragedy if I did not reach for help. I almost could not control myself and my thoughts anymore. I decided to reach for help to deal with my pain for the first time in my life. I was lucky enough that my four good friends texted me right away after I reach out to them. They saved my life that day.
Why I am telling you this story? Because the first F of my “Four Fs strategy” is Friends or Family.
Here is the key, I learned that we could not deal with all the heartbreak by ourselves no matter how strong we think we are. When the pain comes suddenly without preparation, it can tear our heart apart. Therefore, first F of my “Four Fs Strategy” is Friends or Family.
Reach out for help. Call or text someone that close to you. You should have someone that you can reach out for help. Do not try to deal with the pain by yourself. Even though, your friends or family cannot come to support you right away. However, seeing their warm-hearted message can help you relieve the pain immediately. They might male you laugh or send you some funny photos that help you forget about your pain. Who knows?
The second F is Forgive. I know this is the hardest one, but it is the most important. If you can’t forgive the person that hurt, you would never be in peace. I have a very special quote that I would love to share with all of you.
“Today, I decided to forgive you. Not because you apologize, or because you acknowledged the pain that you caused me, but because my soul deserves peace” – Najna Zebian.
I know forgiveness is hard. It takes a lot of afford and time. That's why I did a workshop about forgiveness.
However, I have a trick for all of you tonight. It will help you to forgive that person faster and easier.
First, it is taking take a deep breath and telling yourself that you are willing to forgive.
Then taking a notebook and a pen, writing down all the good things about someone that hurt. Keep writing all the good things about that person. Any good things he or she has done for you keep writing. Keep writing.
Until your mind is run out of good things that you can think of.
Stop and read it out loud. Now you will see that what they did wrong to you once can' not be compared to good things that they have done for you in the long run.
For me, I think I got about 2 pages of good things that my best friend has done good done for me. I felt so much better after I read that list out loud. It helped me see his value more clear and be able to forgive my best friend faster and easier. This is just one trick that I use with my loved ones. With someone that has value in my life. I hope this trick will help you forgive somebody who did wrong to you faster and easier. Forgiveness will help you find peace in your heart and heal your heartbreak in a significant way.
The third F in “Four Fs strategy” is Focus
I know it is hard to focus when we are in pain or heartbreak but it will help you a lot if you are able to change your focus to something else that bring more value in your life. You might decide to take an online course that you wanted to take for a long time to take your focus away from the heartbreak.
Start doing something new that you have never done before. For me, I decided to create “Empowering Women trough story telling” meetup group because I wanted to shift my focus from being in pain to helping people gain more value in their lives. It makes me happy when I can add some value or make a difference. Therefore, I would like to encourage all of you to focus on something that can bring more value to your life.
The last F in the “Four Fs strategy” is Forward
I mean forward your kindness, sympathy, empathy, compassion, knowledge or whatever you think it will be beneficial for others. Do not stay at home and keep thinking about how my life is so horrible. Go out and look for the place that can offer your help. Forward something you have that can help others. In this Covid time, we cannot go out like we usually do but we can meet online. Forward your kindness by donating some money to refugee people or sending love, sympathy, empathy, compassion to people who need some encouragement or support.
Forward your knowledge to your friends, family, or community.
Keep giving good things to others.
This method will help you feel a lot better when you realize you can become someone that make difference in others.
For me I always forward these qualities to everyone I meet. If I have nothing to offer, at least I will send my good thoughts to them. For example, I will pray for them to have a wonderful life, to meet good people or to get well.
Now you all know the “Four Fs strategy” that can help you overcome our heartbreak. Let’s repeat them together.
The first F is Friends and Family. Reach out for help. Asking for help is the art of living.
The second F is Forgive. Write down all good things about the person that did wrong to you and read out loud. It will help you forgive faster and easier.
The Third F is Focus. Change your focus from being in pain to learning something news that bring more value into your life.
Lastly the fourth F is Forward. Forward your kindness, compassion, sympathy, empathy, knowledge, or good thoughts to poeple who need it the most. You can do donation online or call someone o r even send good thoughts to people who are suffering.
I strongly believe when you apply this strategy to your life, you will overcome your heartbreak easier and faster than before. One thing I would love all of you to know from the bottom of my heart is that you can count on me. I know it sounds strange and wired to offer my help when we never met in person but because I went through so much pain and I know how hard it is to deal with it all by myself. I don’t want to see anyone suffer in the same way. If you have no one who can listen and support you, relmember you can always reach out to me.
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