Have you ever had a hard time making a big decision in your life? ………….
It just happened to me recently……..
After living in Vancouver for about 5 years, I thought to myself it’s time to go home. Even though I felt like Vancouver was also my home, my family was in Thailand. I wanted to be close to them.
I decided to move back to Thailand on October 12th, 2019. Two days before my nephew’s birthday. I love him like my own son, and he loves me like his mom. We planned to have a great birthday party together and we did.
I wrote down everything I wanted to do and achieve in my diary when I got to Thailand. My dream job, my dream condo, my dream car and my dream………. partner………. (just to make people laugh)…………..
Within 3 weeks, I got everything I wanted……….. except my dream partner LOL……………………
I felt like I was living in my own beautiful bubble world………How my life was so wonderful…..
Then a couple days later, I had difficulty breathing. My nose, throat and eyes were irritated. I could not sleep properly that night. The next day I went to see a doctor and he said I was allergic to the dust called PM 2.5
It has been all over the place in Bangkok for several years now. Sometimes, we could not see the blue sky in Bangkok because of this dust. It is so smoggy!
He said “Not to worry you will be fine. Just take medicine and no outdoor activities.
Ohhh, and if you want to go out just make sure you wear Mask.”
I said “What???? No outdoor activities??? You mean no fresh air to breath in Bangkok!!!! Ohhhhh NOOOOOO!!!”
I felt like someone POKED A BIG HOLE in my bubble world. I fell down to the ground and it was so painful.
When i got home, walked straight to my room. I did not know what to do……..
I thought….. I could not live like that…..I love fresh air!!!!
Then I realized I had 3 choices.
First was to stay in Bangkok to live in my dream condo and to work ln my dream job but with an unhealthy life, no fresh air.
Second, stay in my hometown but I have to let go of my dream job and my dream condo.
Third is to come back to Vancouver. I will have fresh air. I can still do what I love but have to be away from my family again.
Uhhhhhh, It was complicated………
Suddenly, the negative thoughts about coming back to Vancouver …………….hit me like a Tsunami………….
It started from………………………..
“I should not go back to Vancouver. Some people will think that I gave up on my dreams.
Or some people will judge me that I did not try hard enough to stay in my own country.
Another thing, I have to start everything over again. I will not find a fancy condo at a reasonable price like in Thailand. Plus, it is so complicated to get a job in my field.
Ohhh and I will be far away from my family again. They will be so disappointed in me.
I got lost in these negative thoughts and started to have a bit of depression. I cried quietly because I did not want my family to hear.
I did not see the way out. I felt stuck………….
Usually, when I had a difficult time in life, I was able to deal with it all by myself. I thought I was tough enough to get through everything on my own. However, this time was different. The more I tried to think……..the more I tried to find the way out…….the more I got lost…………..
I could not decide of what to do……….
I thought I need help……………..
It was the first time in my life to ask my family to help me making a decision.
As soon as they knew I needed help. They came together to support me. They said “They want me to be happy and healthy”…….They want me to make a decision based on how I feel is best for me and do not worry about them. They can take care of themselves. They let me know how important for them it was to see me happy and healthy.
I could feel unconditional love from them……………It lifted the weight of worrying about them being disappointed in me.
Now it was easier to make a decision.
I knew it would be the right decision for me to come back to Vancouver because I could stay healthy and keep doing what I love.
However, I was dealing with my negative thoughts and feeling disappointed. It was not easy for me to let go of my dream job as a speaker and trainer for nurses at a big hospital in Bangkok. I am a nurse and I had been working so hard in Vancouver for over 3 years to become a great speaker. Therefore, it was so hard for me to let go of this dream job.
Then I thought, I need help again. This time I asked my close friend how to deal with negative thoughts and stop being disappointed.
Before he told me of what to do, he shared many of his stories of failure and disappointment. I felt that I was not alone. I felt I had support, and someone truly knew how I felt. Then he told me to keep thinking of what I am grateful for. I applied his suggestion to myself right away.
I started to write…………..
I am grateful to have so many good friends in Vancouver. They are going to support me.
I am grateful to have many connections and of course they will help me to get a job that I love.
I am grateful to have a choice to live in a beautiful city like Vancouver and stay among super friendly people here.
I am grateful to be healthy and a lot of energy to keep working on my dreams.
It took me over a page to write down of what I am grateful for.
Then I realized I had so many things to be grateful!!!!
Absolutely, when we kept thinking of what we are grateful for, it made us feel so good because we realized we had a lot more than we thought.
I started to see the way out.
I truly felt coming back to Vancouver would be a right decision to make……..Here I am. I don’t have to give up on my dream and I can stay healthy.
As soon as I arrived Vancouver on February 22nd I got so much support from my friends.
Now I felt my life got back on track. I am ready to move on and to serve others.
Here is the thing. Often we think that we can deal with all the difficult times by ourselves and we forget to ask for help. Our challenges increase until it is too hard to pick ourselves up.
There are many people who face tragedy because they hold on to their difficult times and don’t know how to ask for help.
Now, I have learned that asking for help is a very powerful tool to deal with difficult times in my life and to help me to make a right decision.
Sometimes it is not easy. Ask for help, but go to someone who is close to you first will be a great start…….like your family and your close friends. Then when you feel more comfortable asking for help …………you can start to ask someone else who may have good advice, even if they are not very close to you.
Asking for help is the most powerful tool to help you deal with a difficult time and to help you make a right decision in your life.
I have found that you will find support, love and care from many people, even from those you can’t imagine asking for help from. It is the art of living……
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